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T Berokoff
lonewolf_lofts@hotmail.com
lonewolf_lofts@hotmail.com
Let’s hear it for the girls!
Calling all pigeon flyers! Go get your wives, here’s an article written especially for those women in mind whose “better half” is a pigeon flyer! For a few months now I’ve written about pigeons and pigeon flyers and have been asking for input from women as to how they view the sport. Let’s hear it for the girls as I summarize what I’ve received from numerous wives in the United States and around the world! (Thank you for the responses including those I contacted from Holland, Norway, England, India, Austria and Canada). I was surprised by some of the answers to my questionnaire. I’ll focus on the questions that brought the most varying responses. I’ll begin with the answers I received and end with how I feel about the sport.
The first question: when you married, was your husband already involved with the sport or did he become involved after you were married. First, the exception of the woman who was involved with the sport and her husband was not. All other women responded that their husbands’ became involved with pigeon flying after they were married, with the majority of men having had pigeons as a child. None of the wives had any idea how much time the birds were going to require.
In fact, as it turned out, time was the major problem. Questions related to time, such as, how much time does your husband spend with the birds each day compared to time you’d rather see spent with you and/or the family, and does the time spent away from you create a problem, indicated that even those who were favorable toward the sport, listed time as the biggest problem with pigeon flying. Overwhelmingly the answer was that their husband spent too much time with the birds and not enough time with the kids or “with me”. I gained input from a few male flyers and these men were brutally honest about their time with the birds. They admitted they spend too much time with the birds and one told me the birds cost him his marriage. His wife gave him a choice, “the birds or me”, and he said he made a mistake and took the birds. He admitted he spent too much time away from their kids and his wife, and in retrospect, could have easily made adjustments that would have kept his marriage intact. He told me that when he got home from work the first thing he did was go out and take care of the birds. He would stay there until dinnertime. Some nights he missed dinner because he was so involved in doing something with the birds. He said, “I took way too much time with the birds and now that I look back at it, I realize what was a fool I was. I’m alone today!”
Race season means even more time away from wives and family. One woman said “It’s a choice we make. As wives we need to adjust our attitude.” Maybe my male readers will find this a surprise, but in almost every response I received for my question of how to deal with the problem of time, the wives were open to compromise. What stopped this from working was their husband didn’t seem willing to do so. In fact some wives are so resentful about the sport and the time their husbands spend with the birds, that one male flyer said that he doesn’t call some flyers at certain times of the day or evening because if their wives answer the phone he gets only rudeness. One woman gave this explanation as to why she believes men spend so much time with their birds, “To men, it’s all about winning. Their egos are wrapped up in wins.”
For another question, are you involved with the care of the birds, how much time do you spend with the birds, I found that women’s involvement was minimal. Of course, there are exceptions. One woman told me “we have his loft and my loft.” They race competitively. Three or four women stated that they help take care of the birds and one even baskets the birds on race day and takes the birds to the club as her husband works and isn’t able to do so. One woman, from India, does the majority of the work with the birds because of her husband’s work schedule. A few women took great interest in the birds and referred to the birds as “ours” rather than “his”. They were not only happy to care for the birds, but looked forward to spending time with them. One woman said the birds have actually “taken over our life” and said the birds are “fun”.
For some wives, their degree of interest is to watch the birds come home from a race. One woman told me, “I take care of the birds only if he’s sick or out of town. I do it because I love him, but it’s his thing, not mine!” The majority of women state they don’t want anything to do with the care of the birds. None of the women said they felt the birds were dirty, but a few did say they didn’t want to “go out there”. As one woman put it, “it’s what keeps him busy and happy.” Another said, “He has his interests, I have mine.” Most women then, have a “hands off” policy when it comes to involvement with the birds.
As to whether or not pigeons are eaten (yes, that was one of my questions!), one responder told me, yes, they use the breast meat marinated for sauerbraten. Another responder included a recipe for “braised Iranian style pigeon with rhubarb”. Yumm! If any of you watch the Food Network, you will know that squab is considered a delicacy.
I’ve written about the Man Cave, so of course I had to include a question about where trophies, etc. are kept! (Where does your husband keep his trophies, plaques, etc.) This year the front page of the Business section of a local San Diego newspaper, featured a two page article about “ManCaves”. The article gave some Rules of the Cave: 1) man caves never will have flowers, 2) dollies never are allowed, 3) reality shows will not be viewed in the cave, and 4) neon signs of any type are accepted. Do flyers have these coveted rooms for their plaques and more from the sport? Here’s a sampling of the responses: “he has a shelf in our family room”, “the diplomas are in our den. The dust collectors, trophies, are in a box in the closet”, “the trophies and plaques are in our junk room”, “I have no idea and I don’t care”, “in the shed with the pigeon feed”. Of course, there’s exceptions such as the woman who reports that their trophies, etc. are proudly displayed in their den.
My concluding thoughts about the sport are overridden by my love of the birds. I love animals. Four dogs and a tortoise can attest to the fact that I’m a pushover. We didn’t have pigeons when we got married. When we did get them, I wasn’t too interested in the win, nor am I now, what I was interested in were the birds themselves. I love spending time with them everyday and because I do spend time with them, I don’t begrudge the time my husband spends with them either. In fact, I notice things about the birds and will talk to him about them. If you’ve been reading my articles, you know I look at the birds a bit differently than most. Have we ever eaten our pigeons? Yes, they are wonderful roasted or in a stew. As long as I don’t have to clean them, I will cook them. Of course, my favorites, such as Comeback will never make it to our dinner table.
We read articles about wives who are involved not only with the birds, but in the management of the loft, purchase of birds, planning trips abroad to lofts, race day, etc. But, let’s be honest, not every wife fits into these molds. Many flyers who read the Racing Pigeon Digest keep it out of sight for fear of it being “displaced”, and many flyers are reading this article believing their wives would never read it. Maybe this will be an exception, show it to her, maybe it will spark an interest to read it each month. Even better, maybe it will be a conversation starter for the two of you.
So, what’s the answer, or is there one, to keeping wives happy who are resentful of the time their husbands spend with the birds? The problem could be the dialectical tension of connection versus autonomy (wanting to spend time together versus spending time alone). Complaints such as “we hardly spend any time together” typify this tension. It is well documented that women need more connection and commitment in a relationship than men. As much as pigeons require maintenance, so too do relationships. Steps to help resolve some of the tensions over time spent away from wives are fairly simple and involve both parties. For both, being positive and avoiding criticism is always a good place to begin. Being open about the problem and giving assurance to the other person that the relationship is important to you, and finally, trying to share some tasks that may make life easier on the other person. These suggestions may be of help, especially knowing the problem of time is the major complaint voiced by the wives.
Members of a family all have different interests and these interests all take time. One of my interests is to write. Writing takes time. One of my husband’s interests is pigeons. Pigeons take time. The problem comes when the time spent on individual interests interferes with time spent together which in turn creates the dialectical tension mentioned above. We both work which makes it difficult to spend time not only with the pigeons, but with each other. I clean the loft in the morning before I leave for work, leaving one less thing for my husband to do when he comes home from work. During the week I put out the baths for the birds leaving one less thing for him to do on the week-ends. I like that he has a hobby that he enjoys and men he can get together with who share like interests. Too many men don’t have friends and/or hobbies like we women do. Friends and hobbies keep us happy, healthy and sane. Why not want the same for our husbands?
We make choices everyday. We choose what to wear, what to eat, how fast to drive, who to call, what to read. Another choice we can make is what our attitudes will be towards the person we are spending our lives with including the things that make him or her unique. I like that I can hold a conversation with my husband about pigeons. I read about pigeons and study them so that I can be part of his life and make our marriage stronger. If you’re wondering if he has a man cave, yes, he does. His office out in the loft is filled with all his pigeon paraphernalia and only on occasion do I clean a bit as he keeps it in pretty good shape. And, no there are no dollies out there!
Men, if you’re reading this article, I hope you call your wives attention to it, as I enjoyed hearing from so many of them. Our men are important to us, their happiness is important to us. It takes a little compromise on both sides to make pigeon flying a truly enjoyable sport. As I mentioned earlier, pigeons require work, and so do relationships. Time given to each will bring remarkable rewards. So men, let’s hear it for the girls! As much as we love and need you, you need us too! Remember the man who chose his birds over his wife? Don’t be so set in your routines that you too end up alone or with a wife who’s not happy. A happy wife means a happy husband or another way to put it, behind every happy pigeon flyer is a happy pigeon flyer’s wife. At least that’s the way I see it from my Chick’s Point of View!
Calling all pigeon flyers! Go get your wives, here’s an article written especially for those women in mind whose “better half” is a pigeon flyer! For a few months now I’ve written about pigeons and pigeon flyers and have been asking for input from women as to how they view the sport. Let’s hear it for the girls as I summarize what I’ve received from numerous wives in the United States and around the world! (Thank you for the responses including those I contacted from Holland, Norway, England, India, Austria and Canada). I was surprised by some of the answers to my questionnaire. I’ll focus on the questions that brought the most varying responses. I’ll begin with the answers I received and end with how I feel about the sport.
The first question: when you married, was your husband already involved with the sport or did he become involved after you were married. First, the exception of the woman who was involved with the sport and her husband was not. All other women responded that their husbands’ became involved with pigeon flying after they were married, with the majority of men having had pigeons as a child. None of the wives had any idea how much time the birds were going to require.
In fact, as it turned out, time was the major problem. Questions related to time, such as, how much time does your husband spend with the birds each day compared to time you’d rather see spent with you and/or the family, and does the time spent away from you create a problem, indicated that even those who were favorable toward the sport, listed time as the biggest problem with pigeon flying. Overwhelmingly the answer was that their husband spent too much time with the birds and not enough time with the kids or “with me”. I gained input from a few male flyers and these men were brutally honest about their time with the birds. They admitted they spend too much time with the birds and one told me the birds cost him his marriage. His wife gave him a choice, “the birds or me”, and he said he made a mistake and took the birds. He admitted he spent too much time away from their kids and his wife, and in retrospect, could have easily made adjustments that would have kept his marriage intact. He told me that when he got home from work the first thing he did was go out and take care of the birds. He would stay there until dinnertime. Some nights he missed dinner because he was so involved in doing something with the birds. He said, “I took way too much time with the birds and now that I look back at it, I realize what was a fool I was. I’m alone today!”
Race season means even more time away from wives and family. One woman said “It’s a choice we make. As wives we need to adjust our attitude.” Maybe my male readers will find this a surprise, but in almost every response I received for my question of how to deal with the problem of time, the wives were open to compromise. What stopped this from working was their husband didn’t seem willing to do so. In fact some wives are so resentful about the sport and the time their husbands spend with the birds, that one male flyer said that he doesn’t call some flyers at certain times of the day or evening because if their wives answer the phone he gets only rudeness. One woman gave this explanation as to why she believes men spend so much time with their birds, “To men, it’s all about winning. Their egos are wrapped up in wins.”
For another question, are you involved with the care of the birds, how much time do you spend with the birds, I found that women’s involvement was minimal. Of course, there are exceptions. One woman told me “we have his loft and my loft.” They race competitively. Three or four women stated that they help take care of the birds and one even baskets the birds on race day and takes the birds to the club as her husband works and isn’t able to do so. One woman, from India, does the majority of the work with the birds because of her husband’s work schedule. A few women took great interest in the birds and referred to the birds as “ours” rather than “his”. They were not only happy to care for the birds, but looked forward to spending time with them. One woman said the birds have actually “taken over our life” and said the birds are “fun”.
For some wives, their degree of interest is to watch the birds come home from a race. One woman told me, “I take care of the birds only if he’s sick or out of town. I do it because I love him, but it’s his thing, not mine!” The majority of women state they don’t want anything to do with the care of the birds. None of the women said they felt the birds were dirty, but a few did say they didn’t want to “go out there”. As one woman put it, “it’s what keeps him busy and happy.” Another said, “He has his interests, I have mine.” Most women then, have a “hands off” policy when it comes to involvement with the birds.
As to whether or not pigeons are eaten (yes, that was one of my questions!), one responder told me, yes, they use the breast meat marinated for sauerbraten. Another responder included a recipe for “braised Iranian style pigeon with rhubarb”. Yumm! If any of you watch the Food Network, you will know that squab is considered a delicacy.
I’ve written about the Man Cave, so of course I had to include a question about where trophies, etc. are kept! (Where does your husband keep his trophies, plaques, etc.) This year the front page of the Business section of a local San Diego newspaper, featured a two page article about “ManCaves”. The article gave some Rules of the Cave: 1) man caves never will have flowers, 2) dollies never are allowed, 3) reality shows will not be viewed in the cave, and 4) neon signs of any type are accepted. Do flyers have these coveted rooms for their plaques and more from the sport? Here’s a sampling of the responses: “he has a shelf in our family room”, “the diplomas are in our den. The dust collectors, trophies, are in a box in the closet”, “the trophies and plaques are in our junk room”, “I have no idea and I don’t care”, “in the shed with the pigeon feed”. Of course, there’s exceptions such as the woman who reports that their trophies, etc. are proudly displayed in their den.
My concluding thoughts about the sport are overridden by my love of the birds. I love animals. Four dogs and a tortoise can attest to the fact that I’m a pushover. We didn’t have pigeons when we got married. When we did get them, I wasn’t too interested in the win, nor am I now, what I was interested in were the birds themselves. I love spending time with them everyday and because I do spend time with them, I don’t begrudge the time my husband spends with them either. In fact, I notice things about the birds and will talk to him about them. If you’ve been reading my articles, you know I look at the birds a bit differently than most. Have we ever eaten our pigeons? Yes, they are wonderful roasted or in a stew. As long as I don’t have to clean them, I will cook them. Of course, my favorites, such as Comeback will never make it to our dinner table.
We read articles about wives who are involved not only with the birds, but in the management of the loft, purchase of birds, planning trips abroad to lofts, race day, etc. But, let’s be honest, not every wife fits into these molds. Many flyers who read the Racing Pigeon Digest keep it out of sight for fear of it being “displaced”, and many flyers are reading this article believing their wives would never read it. Maybe this will be an exception, show it to her, maybe it will spark an interest to read it each month. Even better, maybe it will be a conversation starter for the two of you.
So, what’s the answer, or is there one, to keeping wives happy who are resentful of the time their husbands spend with the birds? The problem could be the dialectical tension of connection versus autonomy (wanting to spend time together versus spending time alone). Complaints such as “we hardly spend any time together” typify this tension. It is well documented that women need more connection and commitment in a relationship than men. As much as pigeons require maintenance, so too do relationships. Steps to help resolve some of the tensions over time spent away from wives are fairly simple and involve both parties. For both, being positive and avoiding criticism is always a good place to begin. Being open about the problem and giving assurance to the other person that the relationship is important to you, and finally, trying to share some tasks that may make life easier on the other person. These suggestions may be of help, especially knowing the problem of time is the major complaint voiced by the wives.
Members of a family all have different interests and these interests all take time. One of my interests is to write. Writing takes time. One of my husband’s interests is pigeons. Pigeons take time. The problem comes when the time spent on individual interests interferes with time spent together which in turn creates the dialectical tension mentioned above. We both work which makes it difficult to spend time not only with the pigeons, but with each other. I clean the loft in the morning before I leave for work, leaving one less thing for my husband to do when he comes home from work. During the week I put out the baths for the birds leaving one less thing for him to do on the week-ends. I like that he has a hobby that he enjoys and men he can get together with who share like interests. Too many men don’t have friends and/or hobbies like we women do. Friends and hobbies keep us happy, healthy and sane. Why not want the same for our husbands?
We make choices everyday. We choose what to wear, what to eat, how fast to drive, who to call, what to read. Another choice we can make is what our attitudes will be towards the person we are spending our lives with including the things that make him or her unique. I like that I can hold a conversation with my husband about pigeons. I read about pigeons and study them so that I can be part of his life and make our marriage stronger. If you’re wondering if he has a man cave, yes, he does. His office out in the loft is filled with all his pigeon paraphernalia and only on occasion do I clean a bit as he keeps it in pretty good shape. And, no there are no dollies out there!
Men, if you’re reading this article, I hope you call your wives attention to it, as I enjoyed hearing from so many of them. Our men are important to us, their happiness is important to us. It takes a little compromise on both sides to make pigeon flying a truly enjoyable sport. As I mentioned earlier, pigeons require work, and so do relationships. Time given to each will bring remarkable rewards. So men, let’s hear it for the girls! As much as we love and need you, you need us too! Remember the man who chose his birds over his wife? Don’t be so set in your routines that you too end up alone or with a wife who’s not happy. A happy wife means a happy husband or another way to put it, behind every happy pigeon flyer is a happy pigeon flyer’s wife. At least that’s the way I see it from my Chick’s Point of View!
