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“What’s love got to do with it?” from Tina Turner azlyrics.com
Do our pigeons know more about love than we do? Do they have something to teach us about love? This all began as I was listening to the lyrics of What’s love got to do with it? by Tina Turner:
Oh, what’s love got to do, got to do with it. What’s love but a second hand emotion. What’s love got to do, got to do with it. Who needs a heart, when a heart can be broken. What’s love got to do, got to do with it, what’s love but a sweet old fashioned notion. (www.azlyrics.com )
Is Tina correct in stating that love doesn’t seem to have a lot to “do with it”? And what is “it”? Trying to define love is not an easy task.
Love is an emotion and emotions are feelings. Remember the 70’s song, “Feelings, w-o-o feelings” (www.romantic-lyrics.com). What exactly is love? Following are a few definitions for us to consider. First, a dictionary (Random House) meaning for love would include “tender, passionate affection for another person, warm personal attraction, affectionate feeling for the well-being of another person.” Next, love can (according to sociologist John Lee) manifest itself in many different ways and different people may have different styles of loving. Love means different things to different people. To further expand on this thought, here are three definitions from Mother Teresa, In My Own Words, 1996, “The less we have, the more we give. Seems absurd, but it’s the logic of love” (p. 31), or “if you really love one another, you will not be able to avoid making sacrifices” (p. 33) and “we have been created to love and be loved” (p. 38). Continuing to define love, we find that it is expressed in a variety of ways, one of which is through our physical behaviors. Adler & Proctor, 2006, state that we communicate approximately 93% of our emotional meaning of our messages nonverbally, and that these messages are more believable than our verbal ones, and that we need these nonverbal messages to communicate our feelings and attitudes. Looking at all the definitions of love I want to explore whether or not our pigeons can teach us something about this emotion.
I intend to look at love as Levi, 1964 says to, “put yourself in the place of the pigeon and try to look at life through his eyes. Try to think as he probably thinks” (p. 8). And so, that’s what I intend to do as I explore “what’s love got to do with it” from our pigeons point of view then see if any of their “knowledge” can be helpful to us.
Some, as Bishop in his book Pigeon Breeding & Racing, 1997, would even go so far as to say, “When handling racing pigeons we must bear in mind that they think differently to us but that, on the whole, they are very short of those marbles of intellect which are in larger evidence in the minds of being who are more likely to react to reason and calculation than to mere instinctive promptings. If you expect your birds to think like you and react like you, you will enjoy a very limited future as a fancier. You have to try to get behind the front part of the bird’s skull and tune in to its thought processes, such as they are. A racing pigeon’s interpretation of ‘happiness’ is when it is eating, drinking and reproducing its specie. It has no higher intellect, no artistic, academicals, or religious bent, no leanings which depart from the three overriding instincts I have already delineated” (p. 181). Agreed, we are the species who possess the attributes Bishop speaks of, but, could it be that pigeons exhibit and experience love? I would argue that yes, they do.
Many fanciers spend time in their lofts with their birds to learn about the birds by watching their behaviors. As Peters, in his book Born to Win, states, “Each bird in the loft has its own peculiarities and when each originates from a different family, the peculiarities are even more marked. We cannot win consistently at racing until we are able to recognize the peculiarities of most of our birds. (This is why the good racing fancier has to spend a great amount of time in his loft. Time spent looking, taking in what is seen, thinking about it and reacting to it - always querying why - it is time wisely spent. Not for nothing is the observant fancier usually also the most successful fancier)” (p. 40). Because we love these athletes, we spend time with them, read about them, and perfect all we can, because as Peters says, “Racing pigeons are bred for one purpose only, namely to win” (p. 69). Therefore, we love them, the sport and the win. Or could there be more?
To delve further into the world of the pigeon and love, I begin with the following description of the pigeon taken from The Pigeon, p. 364, who quoted Maeterlinck, 1936, p. 93):
"Their love of society, their affection for their kind, the gentleness of their manners, their chastity - that is to say, the mutual fidelity and undivided love of the male and female - their cleanliness, the care of the person which argues the desire to please, the airs and graces which argue the same thing, the tender caresses, the gentle cooing, the timid kisses which become intimate and urgent only at the moment of satisfaction; this moment being repeated, a few minutes later, by new desires, with fresh approaches, equally sincere; an ever-enduring flame, a desire ever constant, and what is even better, the power of satisfying it incessantly. No ill-temper, no distaste, no quarrelling; the whole term of life employed in the service of love and the care of its fruits: all the laborious functions equitably divided, the male loving his mate enough to share them, and even to undertake the mother’s duties, regularly taking his turn to brood on the eggs and the young, in order to lighten the labours of his companion, in order to ensure between her and himself that equality on which depends the happiness of every lasting union. What models for man, if only he could imitate them!”
It would seem that our pigeons do quite a good job of exhibiting an agape type of love toward each other. The birds seem to be putting the needs of their mate before their own needs and therefore, both are the benefactor of this selfless type of love. As we watch this play out can we not help but be affected by this show of care. Our pigeons are actually doing the work of real love.
According to Chapman, 1995, real love involves work. He states that “our most basic emotional need is not to fall in love but to be genuinely loved by another” (p. 35). Pigeons who are well attended by their mates, instinctively know their mate cares for them. Levi says “that each bird has his or her own peculiarities and is a distinct individual. There is a comparable difference in the behavior of individual pigeons just as there is in the behavior of individuals of the human race. Thus a keen pigeon observer can readily recognize each bird, not only from the bird’s actual physical appearance, but by its actions” (p. 364). Our pigeons have distinct languages of love. One pair may spend inordinate amounts of time with each other in their nest box. They are content to just sit quietly side by side and watch the activity in the loft. This pair, when eggs or young need to be sat or attended to, are the same ones that, while one sits the nest, the other sits next to the nest seemingly just to keep them company.
As much as pigeons have different ways of expressing their love for each other, so do humans. The problem is that sometimes we do things for our partner, and yet they never seem to be satisfied. That could be because we are speaking the wrong “love language” to them. If we want to emulate the satisfaction our pigeons have in their relationships, then we must learn the love language of our partners.
In his book, The Five Love Languages, Chapman, says that these languages are, 1) words of affirmation, 2) quality time, 3) receiving gifts, 4) acts of service, and 5) physical touch. Once we know our partner’s language, and we are able to express love in the way they like, our relationships will prosper. As I was writing this portion of the article, I walked out to the loft to watch some of our breeders. It was amazing to see these principles put into action by our birds. Some pairs seemed to constantly be preening, showing off for one another, giving each other tender pecks, in close proximity to each other. One hen was sitting quite high on her nest of pine needles and yet her cock kept bringing her more nesting material. She seemed quite excited to add yet another layer to her already top heavy nest. It could be said that one pair liked physical touch, while the other liked receiving gifts, and the pair mentioned in the preceding paragraph liked spending quality time together.
Have you even given thought to your partner’s love language? Have you maybe showered him or her with gifts yet they seemed ungrateful? Have you noticed that you clean, cook, and pick up constantly to show you care, yet your partner never seems to notice and doesn’t say thank you? It could be that you do not know your partner’s love language. Use Chapman’s three easy questions to help you discover your love language and your partner’s. Take the test, have them take the test and compare your answers. You may be surprised at the results. Once you have the results, start using these love languages and see if your relationship changes.
1.What does your spouse do or fail to do that hurts you most deeply?
Answer:
The opposite of what hurts you most is probably your love language. For instance, if they fail to spend quality time with you, your love language is probably quality time. Meaning, you need them to spend time talking with you, looking at you, giving you their undivided attention.
2.What have you most often requested of your spouse?
Answer:
The thing you have most often required is likely the thing that would make you feel most loved.
3.In what way do you regularly express love to your spouse?
Answer:
Your method of expressing love may be an indication that that would also make you feel loved.
It’s obvious to me that each of our pigeons has learned the others’ love language. Of course, they don’t know it’s a “love language,” they are instinctually doing what makes their mate happy. We learn about our birds from observation and that is why it is so important to know our birds. LaVerne, 2001, in his book The Eye and Orientation says, “You learn by observing. When you go in the loft in the morning, look for the down feathers - they are a good indication of good health” (p. 131). So, not only is physical health important, good mental health is also important. Birds can be under stress and this means poor performance. Marx, A Veterinary Approach to Pigeon Health, 1997, says, “Since so many times disease is secondary to stress, we must learn to recognize our stressed pigeons react accordingly. The better flyers are good at this and can recognize when a pigeon needs rests. Too many of us continue to train and race stressed individuals, setting them up for disease we learn how important paying attention to stress is to our birds” (p. 211). Not only do we need to pay attention to our pigeons that may be under stress, we need to be aware if our partner is under stress and do what we can to alleviate it. Here’s where knowing your partner’s love language would be helpful. For instance, if they are overwhelmed by the demands of their job, and their love language is words of affirmation, now would be the time to give words of encouragement. To paraphrase Dr. Marx, the better partners are good at this and can recognize when a partner needs rest.
Love is an emotion and according to www.truerecovery.org , “emotions describe us, what we’re feeling inside and emotions stem from our thoughts, the primary emotions are love, joy, anger, sadness, fear and shame.” Agreeing is www.BabyEQ.com describing primary emotions as “first emerging in infancy and from which all other feelings are derived later in life. Love is a social expression in infancy with many of the physical manifestations of pleasure.” So, is love a primary emotion expressed by us and our pigeons? Yes, as stated on www.suite101.com, “considering that emotions involve expressing themselves in behavior, it can be assumed that animals do experience emotions.” The pigeons are expressing themselves through their behavior. The pigeons use non verbal means of communication, and we would do well to remember that 93% of our emotional meaning comes through in non verbal ways. Maybe our pigeons have it figured out a bit better than we do. Watching them, we realize that they seem to know each other’s love languages and are therefore quite successful in creating happiness for each other.
Tina Turner had it wrong to say that love was a second hand emotion. We know better. Not only is it a primary emotion, one experienced by both pigeons and humans alike, but it is also an important component to our physical and emotional well-being. Our birds exhibit their “love languages” in nonverbal ways. Maybe some of us need to learn our own and our partner’s love languages so we too can create happiness for each other. Rather than the perspective of love that Tina takes, I like the positive words of Etta James’ song, At Last. For a real treat, listen to www.last.fm/music/Etta+James and enjoy Ella sing this love song, with lyrics such as, “at last my love has come along, my lonely days are over and life is like a song.” From this Chick’s Point of View, that’s love and has everything to do with “it!”
Love is an emotion and emotions are feelings. Remember the 70’s song, “Feelings, w-o-o feelings” (www.romantic-lyrics.com). What exactly is love? Following are a few definitions for us to consider. First, a dictionary (Random House) meaning for love would include “tender, passionate affection for another person, warm personal attraction, affectionate feeling for the well-being of another person.” Next, love can (according to sociologist John Lee) manifest itself in many different ways and different people may have different styles of loving. Love means different things to different people. To further expand on this thought, here are three definitions from Mother Teresa, In My Own Words, 1996, “The less we have, the more we give. Seems absurd, but it’s the logic of love” (p. 31), or “if you really love one another, you will not be able to avoid making sacrifices” (p. 33) and “we have been created to love and be loved” (p. 38). Continuing to define love, we find that it is expressed in a variety of ways, one of which is through our physical behaviors. Adler & Proctor, 2006, state that we communicate approximately 93% of our emotional meaning of our messages nonverbally, and that these messages are more believable than our verbal ones, and that we need these nonverbal messages to communicate our feelings and attitudes. Looking at all the definitions of love I want to explore whether or not our pigeons can teach us something about this emotion.
I intend to look at love as Levi, 1964 says to, “put yourself in the place of the pigeon and try to look at life through his eyes. Try to think as he probably thinks” (p. 8). And so, that’s what I intend to do as I explore “what’s love got to do with it” from our pigeons point of view then see if any of their “knowledge” can be helpful to us.
Some, as Bishop in his book Pigeon Breeding & Racing, 1997, would even go so far as to say, “When handling racing pigeons we must bear in mind that they think differently to us but that, on the whole, they are very short of those marbles of intellect which are in larger evidence in the minds of being who are more likely to react to reason and calculation than to mere instinctive promptings. If you expect your birds to think like you and react like you, you will enjoy a very limited future as a fancier. You have to try to get behind the front part of the bird’s skull and tune in to its thought processes, such as they are. A racing pigeon’s interpretation of ‘happiness’ is when it is eating, drinking and reproducing its specie. It has no higher intellect, no artistic, academicals, or religious bent, no leanings which depart from the three overriding instincts I have already delineated” (p. 181). Agreed, we are the species who possess the attributes Bishop speaks of, but, could it be that pigeons exhibit and experience love? I would argue that yes, they do.
Many fanciers spend time in their lofts with their birds to learn about the birds by watching their behaviors. As Peters, in his book Born to Win, states, “Each bird in the loft has its own peculiarities and when each originates from a different family, the peculiarities are even more marked. We cannot win consistently at racing until we are able to recognize the peculiarities of most of our birds. (This is why the good racing fancier has to spend a great amount of time in his loft. Time spent looking, taking in what is seen, thinking about it and reacting to it - always querying why - it is time wisely spent. Not for nothing is the observant fancier usually also the most successful fancier)” (p. 40). Because we love these athletes, we spend time with them, read about them, and perfect all we can, because as Peters says, “Racing pigeons are bred for one purpose only, namely to win” (p. 69). Therefore, we love them, the sport and the win. Or could there be more?
To delve further into the world of the pigeon and love, I begin with the following description of the pigeon taken from The Pigeon, p. 364, who quoted Maeterlinck, 1936, p. 93):
"Their love of society, their affection for their kind, the gentleness of their manners, their chastity - that is to say, the mutual fidelity and undivided love of the male and female - their cleanliness, the care of the person which argues the desire to please, the airs and graces which argue the same thing, the tender caresses, the gentle cooing, the timid kisses which become intimate and urgent only at the moment of satisfaction; this moment being repeated, a few minutes later, by new desires, with fresh approaches, equally sincere; an ever-enduring flame, a desire ever constant, and what is even better, the power of satisfying it incessantly. No ill-temper, no distaste, no quarrelling; the whole term of life employed in the service of love and the care of its fruits: all the laborious functions equitably divided, the male loving his mate enough to share them, and even to undertake the mother’s duties, regularly taking his turn to brood on the eggs and the young, in order to lighten the labours of his companion, in order to ensure between her and himself that equality on which depends the happiness of every lasting union. What models for man, if only he could imitate them!”
It would seem that our pigeons do quite a good job of exhibiting an agape type of love toward each other. The birds seem to be putting the needs of their mate before their own needs and therefore, both are the benefactor of this selfless type of love. As we watch this play out can we not help but be affected by this show of care. Our pigeons are actually doing the work of real love.
According to Chapman, 1995, real love involves work. He states that “our most basic emotional need is not to fall in love but to be genuinely loved by another” (p. 35). Pigeons who are well attended by their mates, instinctively know their mate cares for them. Levi says “that each bird has his or her own peculiarities and is a distinct individual. There is a comparable difference in the behavior of individual pigeons just as there is in the behavior of individuals of the human race. Thus a keen pigeon observer can readily recognize each bird, not only from the bird’s actual physical appearance, but by its actions” (p. 364). Our pigeons have distinct languages of love. One pair may spend inordinate amounts of time with each other in their nest box. They are content to just sit quietly side by side and watch the activity in the loft. This pair, when eggs or young need to be sat or attended to, are the same ones that, while one sits the nest, the other sits next to the nest seemingly just to keep them company.
As much as pigeons have different ways of expressing their love for each other, so do humans. The problem is that sometimes we do things for our partner, and yet they never seem to be satisfied. That could be because we are speaking the wrong “love language” to them. If we want to emulate the satisfaction our pigeons have in their relationships, then we must learn the love language of our partners.
In his book, The Five Love Languages, Chapman, says that these languages are, 1) words of affirmation, 2) quality time, 3) receiving gifts, 4) acts of service, and 5) physical touch. Once we know our partner’s language, and we are able to express love in the way they like, our relationships will prosper. As I was writing this portion of the article, I walked out to the loft to watch some of our breeders. It was amazing to see these principles put into action by our birds. Some pairs seemed to constantly be preening, showing off for one another, giving each other tender pecks, in close proximity to each other. One hen was sitting quite high on her nest of pine needles and yet her cock kept bringing her more nesting material. She seemed quite excited to add yet another layer to her already top heavy nest. It could be said that one pair liked physical touch, while the other liked receiving gifts, and the pair mentioned in the preceding paragraph liked spending quality time together.
Have you even given thought to your partner’s love language? Have you maybe showered him or her with gifts yet they seemed ungrateful? Have you noticed that you clean, cook, and pick up constantly to show you care, yet your partner never seems to notice and doesn’t say thank you? It could be that you do not know your partner’s love language. Use Chapman’s three easy questions to help you discover your love language and your partner’s. Take the test, have them take the test and compare your answers. You may be surprised at the results. Once you have the results, start using these love languages and see if your relationship changes.
1.What does your spouse do or fail to do that hurts you most deeply?
Answer:
The opposite of what hurts you most is probably your love language. For instance, if they fail to spend quality time with you, your love language is probably quality time. Meaning, you need them to spend time talking with you, looking at you, giving you their undivided attention.
2.What have you most often requested of your spouse?
Answer:
The thing you have most often required is likely the thing that would make you feel most loved.
3.In what way do you regularly express love to your spouse?
Answer:
Your method of expressing love may be an indication that that would also make you feel loved.
It’s obvious to me that each of our pigeons has learned the others’ love language. Of course, they don’t know it’s a “love language,” they are instinctually doing what makes their mate happy. We learn about our birds from observation and that is why it is so important to know our birds. LaVerne, 2001, in his book The Eye and Orientation says, “You learn by observing. When you go in the loft in the morning, look for the down feathers - they are a good indication of good health” (p. 131). So, not only is physical health important, good mental health is also important. Birds can be under stress and this means poor performance. Marx, A Veterinary Approach to Pigeon Health, 1997, says, “Since so many times disease is secondary to stress, we must learn to recognize our stressed pigeons react accordingly. The better flyers are good at this and can recognize when a pigeon needs rests. Too many of us continue to train and race stressed individuals, setting them up for disease we learn how important paying attention to stress is to our birds” (p. 211). Not only do we need to pay attention to our pigeons that may be under stress, we need to be aware if our partner is under stress and do what we can to alleviate it. Here’s where knowing your partner’s love language would be helpful. For instance, if they are overwhelmed by the demands of their job, and their love language is words of affirmation, now would be the time to give words of encouragement. To paraphrase Dr. Marx, the better partners are good at this and can recognize when a partner needs rest.
Love is an emotion and according to www.truerecovery.org , “emotions describe us, what we’re feeling inside and emotions stem from our thoughts, the primary emotions are love, joy, anger, sadness, fear and shame.” Agreeing is www.BabyEQ.com describing primary emotions as “first emerging in infancy and from which all other feelings are derived later in life. Love is a social expression in infancy with many of the physical manifestations of pleasure.” So, is love a primary emotion expressed by us and our pigeons? Yes, as stated on www.suite101.com, “considering that emotions involve expressing themselves in behavior, it can be assumed that animals do experience emotions.” The pigeons are expressing themselves through their behavior. The pigeons use non verbal means of communication, and we would do well to remember that 93% of our emotional meaning comes through in non verbal ways. Maybe our pigeons have it figured out a bit better than we do. Watching them, we realize that they seem to know each other’s love languages and are therefore quite successful in creating happiness for each other.
Tina Turner had it wrong to say that love was a second hand emotion. We know better. Not only is it a primary emotion, one experienced by both pigeons and humans alike, but it is also an important component to our physical and emotional well-being. Our birds exhibit their “love languages” in nonverbal ways. Maybe some of us need to learn our own and our partner’s love languages so we too can create happiness for each other. Rather than the perspective of love that Tina takes, I like the positive words of Etta James’ song, At Last. For a real treat, listen to www.last.fm/music/Etta+James and enjoy Ella sing this love song, with lyrics such as, “at last my love has come along, my lonely days are over and life is like a song.” From this Chick’s Point of View, that’s love and has everything to do with “it!”